Genuinely Fake

wattafak

2012-02-19T09:22:00.000-08:00

Apabila melakukan sesuatu, kadang-kadang kita tak suka buat sepenuh hati.
Lebih selesa buat sambil lewa.
Atau kadang-kadang terlalu selesa. Dengan apa yang ada hinggakan rasa apa yg kita dah usaha is more than enough. Rasa macam I can't do any better than. This is my best.
Aku akui aku macam tu. Tapi harini someone gave me a wake up call.

That my best is just not enough.
I need to give more.
Try a lil bit harder.
Sacrifice needs to be made.

Wattafak. Wattafak. Wattafak is this Sarah? You can do better than this.
Aku faham setiap kritikan hanya untuk memajukan diri.
Sebagai pemangkin untuk terus mengejar kejayaan.
And I'm going to make that 'WattafakK comment as my catalyst to succeed.
Because I don't want to get another wattafak.
Ever again.

Cukuplah sekali dapat.
I vow not to get another 'wattafak' comment from any adjudicator during any tournament.

FTW! Hahahahahaha K nak tido. Esok ada training bercakap lagi. Night! :)

Rasa hati.

2012-02-15T05:21:00.000-08:00

Nak diceritakan tapi pada siapa? Kalau setiap kali aku luahkan, kau membentak. Jadi aku pilih diam. Aku lebih selesa begitu sebab aku terlalu takut untuk bertekak. Kerana aku gusar, lama-lama perasaan sayang ini hilang. Tapi bila difikirkan balik - semakin aku diam, semakin aku geram. Semakin aku melawan, semakin sakit aku satu badan. Either way, I'll get hurt.

20 tahun hidup tapi kenapa aku tak tak faham-faham lagi. Sakit itu lumrah. Samaada orang sakitkan kau atau kau yang sakitkan diri kau sendiri. Senang je konsep dia tapi aku ni bebal sangat kot. Susah nak faham. Konon tough nak simpan dalam, tapi easier said than done. Perit simpan dalam ni. Dia membesar dalam badan macam barah. Lama-lama, pecah lah dia and keluarlah segala isi. Time pecah tu, it won't be pretty. Time tu, tiada kesempatan untung mengundur diri. Dah takde masa nak menyesal dah kerana masa tu, segala benda yang keluar dikawal oleh emosi. Dan setiap benda yang dilakukan/diucapkan ketika emosi menguasai diri adalah selalunya perkara yang menyakitkan dan tak boleh ditarik semula. In the end, you'll hurt, not only yourself - but also everyone around u.

And thats the last thing I want to happen. Tapi sebab dah terbiasa sangat buat, sekarang dah susah nak ajar diri ni to let everything out. Semua benda simpan je. Semua benda kalau tak puas hati, cakap takde pape. Sampai bila nak simpan dalam je kerja?

Sampai aku mati. The end.

Random update

2012-02-13T10:38:00.000-08:00

What do you feel when you see random photos of ordinary things that you can find in the streets or even in your house that look so beautiful and artistic at the same time? I envy how some people can just take pictures of anything and turn it into something so fantastic. The above picture is my (failed) attempt to capture the street light while the car was moving. I don't have my own camera so I used my BB instead and I just have to say that BB camera sucks. It's 5 megapixel but it's not as pretty as taking pictures using an iPhone. This is the only reason why I missed my old iPhone. I wanna be able to capture everything I see and share it with the world ( or at least with anyone who cares) but for now, I'll just have to make full use of my BB.

Another thing is I feel like i'm coming down with a fever and this is not good. In a couple of days, I'm off to Melaka to attend a top secret training that requires me to speak. But this sore throat I'm having is making my life a living hell. :/

How the hell am I going to speak for hours now?

2012-02-11T05:12:00.000-08:00

Happy SIX monthsarry sayang.

Eat plenty and have a tummy.

Baru nampak sexy sikit.

Raaawwwrrr. :D

Just something I'm feeling at the moment

2012-02-09T11:47:00.000-08:00

Duduk atas katil dalam keadaan lampu malap umpama malam pertama. Malangnya, malam ini bukan malam pertama ku bersama suami (I masih belum kahwin). Cuma, ini malam pertama tidur bersama-sama kakak ku setelah sekian lama. Mungkin aku sedikit menokok tambah apabila aku katakan sudah lama padahal baru beberapa bulan.

Sejak kami punya bilik sendiri, kami semakin jauh. Dulu kongsi bilik. Setiap malam tidur sekatil. Hampir 19 tahun aku punya peneman setia setiap malam. (Kecuali zaman sekolah menengah sebab duduk asrama kan). Dulu walaupun gaduh macam mana, aku akan tetap tidur di sebelahnya. Kenapa? Because I don't have anywhere else to go. Ataupun ketika mahu bergayut dengan kekasih hati, aku tak punya pilihan lain ; bergayut dalam bilik ataupun kat ruang tamu tingkat bawah. Tapi zaman kecik-kecik dulu faham-faham sahajalah. Penakut. Jadi nak tak nak berbual dalam bilik. Lawak bila ingat balik malam-malam sebelum tidur gaduh. Gaduh sebab salah seorang tidur terlebih bahagian yang telah ditetapkan. Itu bahagian kau dan ini bahagian ku.

As we got older, we wanted our own space. Kami mahukan privasi. Dan itulah yang kami dapat. Bilik sorang satu. Sebelah-sebalah tapi masih dihubungkan dengan tandas yang bersambung. Dan malam ni aku lihat kakak ku sedang tidur nyenyak di atas katil ku, aku dapat rasa satu perasaan yang lama hilang. The bondness that we used to have. Tadi sebelum tidur, lepak atas katil tengok movie sama-sama. Aku rindu ini semua.

Sekarang dah jarang buat semua ni. Selalunya lepas pulang, masing-masing akan masuk kedalam bilik and kunci pintu. We don't talk that much and we don't share anything anymore dan sekarang semua itu aku rindu. Kami berdua dah besar dah. Dan 20 tahun. Tak lama lagi akan bekerja dan mempunyai keluarga sendiri. Aku hanya punyai sedikit sahaja masa sebelum itu semua berlaku. Cepat kan masa berlalu? Walau apa-apa pun, aku bersyukur for these past 19 years with my sister. People would normally say to me '' Best ke ada dua orang adik beradik pun. Ramai-ramai lagi best'' Sebenarnya, patutnya tak kisah pun berapa orang pun adik- beradik kita. Yang penting, kita ada. Kita patut fokus kepada apa yang kita ada. Bukannya apa yang kita tak ada. Aku ada seorang je kakak dan aku bersyukur. Sekurang-kurangnya, I have one.

Aku tak tahu apa yang aku merapu malam-malam buta macam ni. Tetiba sentimental. hahahahaha. I think I'm off to bed now.

Good night.

Just something bothering me

2012-02-03T09:37:00.000-08:00

Are you in a relationship? Have you met your boyfriend's friends? So how was it?

Kalut lah Sarah ni. Some people might say I'm overreacting but i am 100% positively sure that I'm not. My reaction is normal, right? I have been with the current boyfriend for almost 6 months now. And he said that he wants me to meet his friends. Don't get me wrong here. I don't mind meeting his friends as personally I think it would be awesome to get to know his friends but here's the thing, I'm scared. :S I do know that they are not monsters and they don't eat people. Yes I am well aware of that. I have no strong reason to back me up on this matter. Why don't I want to see his friends?

I am afraid of their impressions on me because truth be told, I give bad first impression.

''Aku ingat kau sombong mula-mula kenal....''
'' Kau nampak macam tak nak kawan je awal-awal dulu.....''

See? Bad impression (sigh) Need to change that. Am still working on it. And some people, they tend to stick with their first impression about that someone. I know I am not being fair here. I'm judging his friends before I even know them. Please, please,pleaseeeeeee dont get me wrong here. It is just how I am. I like to think of the most negative scenario to happen rather than being positive (This is another thing I'm trying to change) Why am I like this?

Because I've heard of what other people has said about other people's girlfriend (I'm not making any sense) You hear how people say that A's gf is a bitch or B's girlfriend is a slightly arrogant. When talking and getting to know someone, you don't know what message you're sending across. From the way you talk, walk, dresses, laugh, stare and even stand, everything plays a vital key. Some people might think that going to see you boyfriend's/girlfriend's familly is nerve wrecking - to me this is the same deal. It's very nerve wrecking.

Hahahahahahahahaha I am making a big of a deal out of this.He has met a few of my friends and he seems cool about it. So why can't I be cool about it too? :) I can't promise anything but at least I can try.

I wonder what would be their first impression of me?
I would never know unless I meet them.

This post was not meant to scare people off.

2012-02-03T07:30:00.000-08:00

I have a thing for pimples. I don't hate them really. Espeacially if they are on my face because there's nothing that I like more than squeezing those pimples and seeing all those blood and white stuff oozing out from them. Yes when describe it is quite disgusting but it's actually something rather fascinating.

Believe it or not, I don't mind popping other people's pimples. I've done this a few times before during high school years. I still remember during weekends me and another friend would sit on the floor at the verandah and with tissue in my hand, I was ready to pop my friend's pimple(s). yes, popping a pimple is painful but you can't deny the pleasure one gets. (Sorry if i'm freaking anyone out here). Normally girls would go hysterical when pimples start to come out on their faces but I just couldn't care less. (Yes, I am weird like that)

So ladies (and gentlemen) if you happen to see a pimple somewhere on my face (normally, on my nose) don't be sad for me and stop pointing it out to me. Because frankly speaking, there's a high chance I've already known about it. It is my face after all.

And this lucky gal has a boyfriend with pimples all over his face. :D How lucky can one girl get. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAHAHAH *evil laugh.

Life

2012-01-18T08:40:00.000-08:00

I am a bird.
But I can't fucking fly.

Great.

___________________________________________________________________

I dont have a good reason to start writing here. Life's a bore. The irony of wanting exams to be over with but when it's finally over and you have 6 long weeks of holidays, you cringe at the thought of staying at home, and actually having the fear of growing a moustache while feeding yourself up with chocolates and reading 9gag posts all day long. It might be fun at first but 758346953407729 times later, you get bored.

Because productivity is not there. You're not using any part of your body that is functioning for a good cause. You're just wasting you damn life sitting at home, lying in bed, with the laptop turned on. A slight move is ridiculous.

I for once would not want my holidays to end as a total waste. I have waited for this day to come and it's finally here and I am doing something about it. I am off to look for a job. Or maybe, get myself a driving license. Life's a bore, when you don't do anything about it.

Therefore, I am going to do something.

GOOD LUCK

2012-01-03T09:56:00.000-08:00

Esok saya nak pulang ke Melaka sebab ada tugas penting yang perlu dilaksanakan. Perkara yang lebih penting daripada melayan 9gag, Tumblr, Facebook, Twitter malahan lebih penting daripada melayan lagu-lagu Justin Bieber. Lol.

Pulang kerana terpaksa ;Tanggungjawab yang melibatkan banyak pihak. Ingat lagi resolusi tahun baru saya? (Rujuk post sebelum ini) Saya mahu menjadi lebih matang dan orang yang matang perlu bertanggungjawab diatas segala benda yang dilakukan. Samalah seperti kes demonstrasi secara aman tempoh hari yang dilakukan oleh mereka-mereka yang kononnya mewakili Mahasiswa-mahasiswa seluruh negara. Berani berdemo kenalah berani menanngung akibat dari perbuatan mereka. Yes sungguh tidak ada kaitan but itu semua tidak penting. Kerana ini blog saya. Suka hati saya lah nak kaitkan apa dengan apa.

Berbalik kepada perkara berbangkit sebentar tadi, saya harus pulang dan saya hanya akan pulang selepas 16 Januari. Sebelum saya mengundurkan diri, saya ingin mengucapkan Selamat Menduduki Peperiksaan Akhir Semester. Semoga kalian dipermudahkan urusan menjawab kelak dan diberikan akal fikiran dan hati yang tenang ketika menjawab kelak. InsyAllah.

(I have lost the ability to write. So pardon me for this awful post. Anyway, this post was made solely for the purpose of adding more post to this blog.)

two oh one two

2012-01-02T10:15:00.000-08:00

Bila fikir balik, dah duapuluh tahun hidup. Is it a big achievement? Adakah aku patut merasa bangga kerana telah berjaya menjejakkan kaki pada tahun ini?

Entah lah.

Sepuluh tahun yang lepas, aku teringat lagi kegembiraan yang aku rasa bila tibanya hari lahir ku. Kenapa? Sebab umur ku sudah meningkat ke dua angka. Angka satu dan kosong bila digabungkan buat aku rasa sungguh dewasa. Dari umur satu angka (9 tahun), kini sudah menjadi dua (10 tahun). I felt like the world was mine. Heh.

That was how easy i got excited. Teruja over the smallest thing. That was the time where nothing was complicated. Everything was easy. Teringat waktu kecik aku begitu nak lekas membesar. Nak cepat-cepat habis sekolah, cari kerja, kahwin, dapat anak and then I can die as a happy woman.

And now, aku dah 20 tahun. (Please don't start with the you're-not-yet-20-because-it's-not-your-birthday crap. Nak bajet muda please bajet sorang-sorang. I'm not on that bandwagon.) Anyway where were we?

Ahh yes aku dah 20 tahun. Sudah dua hari aku ucapkan pada diri ''Sarah, kau dah 20 tahun'' tetapi semakin kerap diulang, semakin janggal aku rasa. Terasa seperti baru semalam aku menyambut hari lahir ku yang ke 17. Pejam celik pejam celik sudah hampir 3 tahun aku meninggalkan zaman persekolahan. Dan sekarang aku di menara gading. Yang dulu selalu disebut-sebut oleh orang tua ku, guru-guru dan kawan-kawan. I'm finally here. Siapa sangka? Waktu zaman sekolah, keputusan exam macam haram kalau nak dibandingkan dengan kawan-kawan yang lain. I wasn't the brightest nor the nicest student at school. Turns out, Allah punya rancangan tersendiri buat aku. Alhamdulillah. Macam tak percaya dah 20 tahun. (Someone please slap me hard)

Aku lihat kebanyakan (bukan semua) yang seusia dengan ku merasa bahawa 20 tahun itu sudah tua. Why are we so afraid of going old? Dua puluh tahun is only a start. Satu langkah menuju ke alam dewasa. Takkan selamanya mahu menjadi muda remaja. There will be one point in our life, growing up is a must. Not an option anymore.

Another thing that gets to me is when my dad has repeatedly said to me 'Ayah dah tua' and that breaks my heart. I don't know why. Kalau ibu bapa semakin tua, takkan aku nak kekal remaja sampai bila-bila? Aku rasa sedih bila tengok ayah dan mama kepenatan time jalan-jalan dengan aku. Aku pulak tak sedar diri jalan laju sangat. Sedih bila tengok rambut mereka sudah mula memutih. Sekejap jekan masa berlalu. Tadi belek album, tengok gambar mama dan ayah waktu muda and now bila tengok mereka, they certainly have grown old. So now I know the true meaning of old. Kalau setakat belakang umur dah takde 'teen' and masuk angka two oh, tak ada lah tua mana. Aku pun sebenarnya tak pasti tapi I feel more responsible now. Maybe its just my feeling tapi kau tak rasa ke macam lebih bertanggungjawab bila dah tak ada 'teen' kat belakang umur kau? Its a sign telling you that you need to learn to be more responsible in anything you do.

I still have flaws. Aku still manja bila dengan parents and orang yg aku sayang but in the process of growing up tu aku tahu I have to make some changes. Bila kakak sendiri pun cakap aku lembik, that means something needs to be done. Kena kental kan diri. Kuatkan hati. Ubah mana-mana yang patut. Bersyukurlah kau mampu merasa menjadi 20 tahun. Bersyukurlah kau masih bernyawa. Bersyukurlah usia kau meningkat dan semoga pemikiran kau pun meningkat menjadi matang.

Azam aku tahun ni mudah iaitu unuk menjadi lebih matang. Matang ada banyak definisi. Biar aku sahaja yang mendefinasikan matang dan biar orang sekeliling aku yang menilai.

Anyways, I just wanna wish anyone who reads my blog (if any)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2011-12-25T13:15:00.001-08:00

Senyum dengki tengok orang kahwin pada usia yang sangat muda.
I WANT THAT TOO.

----------------------------------------------

Nilai Hantaran Kahwin Mengikut Harga Purata Terkini (Ringgit Malaysia)

dan Status Pelajaran diSeluruh Semenanjung :-

UPSR, PMR/SRP : RM1,000-RM3,000

SPM : RM3,000-RM8,000

STPM/DIPLOMA : RM8,000-RM12,000

DEGREE : RM12,000-RM15,000

..2ND DEGREE/MASTER : RM15,000-RM20,000

PHD : RM20,000-RM30,000

**TETAPI YG DEGREE KE ATAS

KALAU XPANDAI "MASAK"

AUTOMATIC AKAN DI TOLAK 50%

DRPD NILAI BIDAAN**

- Sumber BERNAMA

Now I know the reason why guys go gay.

-.-'

Feeling like crying.

2011-12-23T13:03:00.000-08:00

Now I remember the reason why I broke up with my ex. Because apparently, I dont understand him and I didnt try hard enough to understand him. I only think about myself. I am a selfish heartless bitch. Maybe I shouldn't be in any relationship at all.

I AM FOREVER ALONE.

2011-12-21T08:32:00.000-08:00

We are almost at the end.

My first semester as a university student is coming to an end and personally, it has been an amazing journey. I met new friends and I've changed into a (slightly) better person. I used to have this problem where I don't get along well with people. It would normally take me a few months before I get to know someone and normally, I'll just stick with one person because I'm not that friendly.

But I've learned during Matriculation days that is not good to be dependent on just one person because when you give all you have to that one person, and when that one person decides to back stab you, you are left with nothing. Frankly, I don't want to go through that again.

It's nice to have so many friends and no matter where you go, there will always be familiar faces and that tells me that I am not alone. There's nothing wrong with being alone but there's also nothing wrong with having friends.

Note to self : Learn to appreciate my friends more.

2011-12-20T00:50:00.000-08:00

There are times you feel sad and whatever you do, that feeling doesn't seem to go away. No matter how many times you remind yourself about how silly that matter is, you cant make yourself feel better.

You just want to be as miserable as you can, because you now have a reason to be miserable. Even if you have the choice not to be miserable, you still choose to be miserable. Because right now, miserable seems to be the only option that gives you satisfaction.

I am miserable as hell right now and I am planning on staying this way.

And there's nothing you can do about it.

My Life. My Soul. My Family.

2011-11-28T10:59:00.000-08:00

"Ohana means family. Family means that nobody gets left behind, or forgotten"

-Lilo & Stitch-

If there is one thing that I can't live without, that is definitely my family.

I have a very small family of four that consists of my parents, my twin sister and me. Most people would think that having a small family is boring but truth be told, it's not. No matter how many members there are in your family, what matters the most is the bond that you have with each other.

These are my parents. My father's name is Abdullah Bukhari Bin Ariffin and my mother's name is Roslina Bt Yaakub. I'm not going to write an essay about them. (Childish much) but I am going to write about what I think of them and how much they mean to me. Even words can't do justice for how much they have sacrificed all these years for my sister and me. For 19 years of my life, I've done many things that I'm not proud of. Despite my wrongdoings, my parents have never hated me or even judge me for what I did. In contrary, they are the one who have given me their support since day one and I know everything they have done for me -whether I like it or not- is for my own good. Parents do know best. They always know what's right for their children. Well, sometimes the decision they make is not really a good one (They are humans after all) but those decisions are based on their unconditional love for us. They have always been there to lend me a shoulder when I need someone to cry on. Someone to hear my nonsense and boring stories. Now tell me. How am I supposed to live without them? That is one thing that I wouldn't want to find out.

I'm very lucky

Want to know why?

It's because I have a twin sister. :)

On 15th May 1992, we were born. As they say, "Double the joy". I wouldn't really know the joy of getting my own child as I am not married yet, so getting my own child is out of the question. Lol. But hearing my mother told us how happy everyone was when we arrived. I think I have the general idea now. :)

Anyway, my sister's name is Siti Khadijah Hamizah and she is currently in University Malaysia Sabah taking International Economy. This pretty young lady has been my best friend since we were in mama's womb. We shared the same placenta, umbilical cord and birthdate! How cool is that! :) Frankly speaking, we don't really see things eye to eye and we don't share the same interest, hobbies and different attitude. We even have different taste in boys. That is how different we are - eventhough we are twins. If you look at the picture taken when we were babies, we do look alike but as we grow older, we've changed a bit. The first time you see the both of us, you'll probably be confused on which one is which. O_O After awhile, it's easy to differentiate which one is me. She's my best friend, soulmate and best of all, she is my sister.

Ayah, mama and kakak are important people in my life and I wouldn't trade them for anything in this world. I am very fortunate to still have my family with me today. So appreciate what you have before it's too late.

"You will never know what you've got till it's gone."

Good night loves ♥

Second update for the day.

2011-11-23T23:40:00.000-08:00

It's lunch time but I'm fasting.

So here I am in the library trying to come up with something good to write.

Lets talk about something that I have passion for currently ; DEBATE.

Since high school, I've always wanted to join the debate team but till the end of my school days, I didn't. The reasons to why I didnt go for debate was ;

1# I dont have the confidence.

2# I always thought that it was too late for me to start debating

I've always been around debaters back then. For instance, Ezzah, Aina, Bey and Ayzie who are amazing and talented debaters and these girls are responsible for putting the idea of how fun and cool debating really is in my head. Talking to these people and you'll get tons of new information. Watch them debate and you'll be impressed. Another thing I like about debating is the bond that debaters have with each other. How they look out for each other, the fact that they share everything and they support each other through thick and thin. Awesome relationship right? But because I was afraid and never seem to have the confidence to pursue that dream, I had to let it go.

So there goes my dream of becoming a debater.

What came next was definitely the highlight of my life. After matriculations, I got accepted to UiTM Bandaraya Melaka for International Business course. It was my first choice so I was ecstatic but I wasn't really psyched that I got Melaka (again).

Anyways, turns out that KBM has its own debate club which is The Rhethoriks Club. Do you know that feeling of an old spark that has already dies out starts to ignite again? It's like seeing your old flame or crush and feeling butterflies in your stomach all over again.

That was exactly how I felt. I know that not everyone is lucky enough to get a second chance and this chance only come once in a lifetime. I'm not going to waste it again. I know how most people are afraid of taking chances because they are scared that their dream doesn't turn out the way they want it to be. Well, I was one of them. I won't deny the fact that I was scared and I wasn't even sure on how this whole debating thing will turn out for me.

But there is one thing that actually leads me to the decision that will forever change my life ;

REGRET.

Regret is a strong feeling that one will eventually have to life for the rest of one's life and I don't want to live with that. I don't want to look back and regretting not trying out for debate. Regretting not doing something I really wanted to try out. Regret will haunt you till the end of your life. See. It's a powerful thing.

I didn't have anything to loose. I've done so many things that I've regretted doing and I'm not going to add one more to that long list of 'Regrets'.

And guess what? I don't regret joining debate one bit! It's an amazing experience and to know that I don't suck in debate makes me feel grateful for this chance that God has given me. I'm still learning but I really hope one day I'll be good at debating.

So readers (If any), don't be afraid to pursue your dreams because you might not know what lies ahead.

Starting All Over Again

2011-11-23T19:40:00.000-08:00

Greetings Awesome Humans,

The reason why you are seeing me here (again) is because I have to create a blog for a subject that I am taking which is MGT 417. So basically, I'm here just to get marks for my individual assignment.

But I really think that this a great opportunity for me to start ranting and rambling again. Oh how I missed those beatiful days when I can just write non stop.

Now I think I'm tad bit rusty. (sigh)

Either way,

It's nice to be back. :)