Only Hope

Once you choose hope, anything's possible

I`ve learned a lot these past few years, that friends sometimes are not forever & true love does not always last.

If only I could do over.

Take my PMR for instance. If only I study a bit harder for my sejarah paper. Maybe, just maybe I'll get an A. If only I didn't show him how much I like him. Maybe, just maybe we'd still be friends. If only I watched my weight from the start. Maybe, just maybe I'd still be the skinny girl that I used to be.

Life is a dick.

I Want You

If I could have anyone that I want, I would want not just anyone. I would want someone. Someone who is at this moment, who might be anyone. Maybe it's you.

(groan) Life is so complicated.

and if I ever find you, I hope you come with your own destruct button.
So that it would be easy for me to get rid of you once I'm bored.

I've Been Tagged

by Iman Izzati.

In life, there's pros and cons.
Today I'm more to the positive side.

Seven things that I love about the people in my life:

1. They are the total opposite of me : also known as special.
2. They helped me get through the pain and suffering of life *dramatic much*
3. They never fail to say the right thing at the right time.
4. They entertained me when I'm just frigging bored.
5. They simply are the best.

I'm tagging people who I think has not been tagged yet.

They are;
-Nadzayy
-Fatin N
-Irsyad
-I
-Fateen A

the law.

1. Touch me! to download a song. A must!
2. List five people to tag.
3. Announce to them that they've been tagged

PLAIN WATER

I'm freezing,
& I think I'm coming down with the flu.

It's the second day at the hospital. My Dad is getting alot better compared to yesterday.
He has to drink 3 jugs of plain water every day.

Knowing my dad,
drinking plain water is so not his thing. He doesn't mind if he has to drink 3 cups of plain water but 3 jugs of plain water?
Well that's a different story alltogether.
Bak kata dia, orang pun boleh mabuk minum air banyak sangat.

We had to force him to drink & eat. Eating was the hardest part. He refused to eat simply because he doesn't want to go to the toilet untuk membuang air besar. In his state, walking is killing him. He also has to control himself from laughing too hard because laughing too hard caused him pain in the stomach.

But today, it seems that he has gone back to his (almost) usual self back. He got his appetite back. He ate alot today. I was suprised to know that my dad can eat anything that he desires & I thouht sick people were suppose to eat porridge, no? He was hoping that he'll get to take off the tubes connected to his back today but because his urine colour has still not change, he has to wear the tube for another day.

I even get the chance to bath him. Not really bathing. It's more to mengelap badan je. After that, I helped him put some lotion on his hands and feet to prevent dry skin. While putting on the powder on his face, I asked him.

"Don't you feel like a king,ayah?"
"Yeah I do. I feel like a sick king."

I think a sick king is alot better than a sick slave don't you think?

Aku dah meraban.

Most probably, I wont be going back to Kelantan or even Pahang for this coming Raya celebration. My dad can't travel long distance and I don't think my mum is very keen to drive us back to kampung. So, raya sambut kat KL. oklah tu kan?

Hm, duit raya macam mana?

PEEthroughyourASS; take good care of your health.

Rasa Hati

Kadang-kadang ujian datang tanpa di duga.

Satu hari, kita sihat.
Esok nya kita lemah.

Satu hari, kita bisa melompat.
Esoknya, kita rebah.

Kita sering lupa.
Alpa dengan apa yang kita ada.
Hanya tersedar apabila nikmat ditarik oleh-Nya.

Kita tak akan mampu faham penderitaan orang lain
Kalau kita sendiri bersenang lenang.
Gelak ketawa.
Bergurau senda.
Lupa yang nikmat yang kita ada bukan milik kita selamanya.

Sengasara yang datang bukannya bala.
Penderitaan yang datang mengingatkan kita.
Bahawa kita bukannya semakin muda.
Jangan mudah lalai dan lupa.
Mati tidak mengenal usia.

Selagi badan masih bernyawa,
Selagi jantung masih berdenyut,
Selagi bisa menghembus nafas,
Selagi akal masih waras,
Selagi itu kita bersyukur,
kerana Dia masih memberi peluang.

HOSPITAL

I'm sad.

I'm currently at the hospital. I'm ok.
But The Dad is not ok.

I just found out like 9 hours ago that my dad just had gone through an operation to get rid of his kidney stone. He didn't want to tell me about the operation or even about his health because he doesn't want to worry me that much.

I felt as if the world has stopped spinning.

I started crying as soon as i found out about the operation.

The Mum told me that I have to be strong for The Dad. He doesn't need his daughters to cry. He needs his daughters to help him get through. So I tried my very best to not to cry.

Then, my mum told me to call my Dad. So I did just that.

I started crying,
again when I heard his voice on the other end.

He sounded so weak. He told me that he was ok & I believed him.

After the Mum picked me up from school, we stopped first at the BAZAAR to buy some food for my dad.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We've arrived at the hospital.

I've stopped crying. I don't want him to see me cry. I have to be tough for him.

So when I entered his room,i put on my happy face. I saw him smiling, looking happy to see me.
I (kinda) ran to him and hugged him & I didn't let go because I started crying, again.

*sigh*

I was having mixed feeling at the time. Happy and sad jumbled up into one emotion.
Happy to see that he's ok.
Sad to see him in that condition.

He looked so vulnerable.

Now I'm sitting on the sofa right next to him.
He's already fast asleep.

I hope my Dad get well soon.

Takut Menyelubungi

I still can't get the image of the dead guy out of my head.

As I closed my eyes,
I'll see his face.

The blood.
The eyes.
The white hair.
The pain.
I could feel it.

And it bothers me. It bothers me terribly.

We all go to hell before we go to heaven.
And it bothers me. It bothers me terribly.

I've made many terrible mistakes for the past 16 years of my sinful life and believe me, I am not proud of what I've done.

I've changed. Really, I did. In some ways.

When I saw the guy was put in the grave, i feel goosebumps all over.
I was scared.

It's as if I could feel the loneliness that he felt in the grave. He was scared, i know that.
Cold,dark grave. With nobody to help you through the process of azab kubur.

Purpose In Life

Once upon a time, i promised two of my friends, A and S, that I'll accompany them to eat 'sahur' at the dining hall.

I promised.
So I'm going to keep my promise no matter what.

So, A woke me up at 5.00 am.

I woke up. Looked at her with my sleepy eyes,
and smiled.

I quickly changed my clothe, wore my tudung and take along with me the most important thing in order for me to eat which is the fork and spoon that i bought at IKEA last months. A and S were already ready.

Then we were off.

and the rest was history.
:D

Tho, i just realised something.
The only reason why I woke up was because i have a purpose to do so.
I mean, when I don't have a reason to wake up at 5.00 am in the morning,
I will never, i repeat, never wake up. I prefer sleeping rather than eating.
Seriously.

Maybe now I should find myself a purpose in living.

It's your BIRTHDAY

Hari ni birthday perempuan misteri ni.
Dia dah enambelas tahun.
Dah besar panjang upenya anak mak sorang ni.

happy birthday,perrrvert.

Kawan sampai mati,okk.

hari ni NUZUL QURAN.

sepatutnya aku cuti hari ini.
sepatutnya aku habiskan masa aku tengok tv hari ini.
sepatutnya aku bangun lambat pagi tadi.
sepatutnya aku lepak kat dorm.

sebaliknya,

aku terpaksa bangun awal hari ini.
aku terpaksa paksa diri aku mandi pukul 6.30 pagi.
aku terpaksa heret diri aku pergi dewan kuliah pukul 7.30 pagi.

kenapa?

kerana aku ada kelas biologi pukul 7.30 sampai 9.30 pagi tadi.
lepastu sambung pulak dengan ceramah kecemerlangan diri Tingkatan 4.

aku tak tahu lah kenapa tingkatan 4 busy sangat.
mengalahkan tingkatan 5.
aku rasa macam tahun ni aku yang nak amik SPM.
kelas tambahan yang berlambak.
memang tak boleh blah.
sampai tak de masa quality time dengan diri sendirik.

Sarah! fikir positif lah bebeh.

ok.
aku redha.

Selamat Puasa.

I stand corrected

nice.
sumeorang demam sekarang ni.

aku,alhamdulillah sampai sekarang ni ok lagi.
tapi aku rasa mata aku cam berair je. pedih semacam.
mungkin petanda awal nak demam mungkin?

harap harap aku tak demam.

Amin.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

sekarang ni aku dah tak boleh nak buka komputer sekerap selalu.
sebab sekarang ni kan bulan puasa.
dah tak de masa nak buka dah.
petang ada tadarus.
malam-malam kena solat terawikh.
bila lagi nak buka kan?

sekarang ni pun sebab aku diberi cuti.
paham paham jelah.

bila dah ada peluang nak buka ni,
apa lagi.
mestilah aku usha blog orang.
kebanyakan blog yang aku buka,suma nya tengah cuba.

cuba apa?

cuba solat penuh sehari semalam.
cuba puasa penuh.
cuba mengawal nafsu.
cuba berhenti merokok.
cuba berhenti mencarut.
cuba kurangkan tidur.
cuba bangun untuk sahur.
cuba untuk solat terawikh penuh. (sekurang-kurangnya 8)
cuba untuk biasakan diri baca Al-Quran setiap hari,
cuba untuk tidak membazir.

konklusinya,
cuba untuk berubah.

aku suka orang yang mencuba. bagi aku lebih baik cuba daripada tak buat apa-apa.
aku suka kalau ada orang letak effort ke dalam sesuatu yang baik.
semua orang tak perfect,itu aku tahu.
sekurang-kurangnya kita try.

aku paling tak suka manusia yang tak pernah cuba paham orang yang nak berubah ni.
yang dia tahu,
perli.
ejek.
ngumpat.
mencela.
tolongnya tidak pula.

aku baru sedar sesuatu.
selama ni, aku mesti marah kalau ada orang tegur kesalahan aku.
aku pasti akan cakap,
"eleh dia tu pun bukannya bagus sangat. berlagak je lebih"
tadi aku baca buku agama (bukan nak tunjuk alim)
dalam tu dia kata,
kita tak boleh nak tunggu diri sempurna dulu baru nak tegur orang. kat dunia ni tak de orang yang sempurna. kalau macam tu, sampai bila baru nak tegur? nak tunggu sampai maksiat berleluasa. kita bukannya malaikat. hanya sekadar manusia yang banyak kekilafannya.

kini aku sedar.

Ya Allah, ampunkanlah dosa hamba-Mu ini. Berikanlah diriku petunjuk mu Ya Allah.

Ini sekadar renungan sempena bulan yang baik ini.

Selamat Puasa.

Mascot

If you want a complete stranger to give you a hug for FREE, go find a job as a MASCOT.

hahahhahahhaa.

xxxx

Telinga Panas

Masa bulan puasa macam ni lah aku mula suka makanan yang dulu langsung aku tak pernah sentuh.

seperti contoh,
kuih penaram ataupun nama glemernya,
telinga keling.

tak tahu kenapa nafsu aku menggemari telinga keling.
setiap hari,aku habis kan sekurang-kurangnya tiga hengget untuk beli benda alah tu.
Mungking bagi sesetengah orang cam membazir je minah ni kan,
tapi sebenarnya tak.

bagi aku lah kn. tak de salahnya. asalkan habis makan.
lagipun bukannya aku makan sorang-sorang.
aku kongsi jugak dengan orang lain.
itupun bila tinggal empat je lagi telinga keling tuh.
:D

tapi ada jugak manusia yang suka buat lawak bodo pasal makanan fevret aku tu.
ish ish.
tak boleh tengok aku bahagia betullah.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
sekarang ni kelas aku gila bayar sehengget.

tak percaya?

tinggal barang atas meja. 1 ringgit
mencarut. 1 ringgit (dulu 2 ringgit)
letak paperbag tepi meja. 1 ringgit
emo tak tentu pasal. 1 ringgit
makan depan orang puasa. 1 ringgit (bagi orang yang diberi pelepasan istimewa)
lambat hantar homework BM. 1 ringgit.

aku,
selalu tinggal barang atas meja.
tapi bukannya aku sengaja pun.
hampeh tol.

heh.
lama-lama kopak jugak aku.
kalau aku dah miskin nanti,
macam mana nak beli telinga keling lagi?

pee.ass; tahniah kepada kelas aku, 4 Restu sebab dapat tempat ketiga bagi KEMPEN KEBERSIHAN minggu lepas.

Maggoth

this is soooooooooooooooo fucked up.
my brain is sooooooooooooooo not functioning well.
sapa suruh paksa aku belajar kemistri 4 masa,straight?

ok seriously after being on hiatus for a long time, the momentum just doesnt seem to kick in.

i mean, i used to not having any problem at all to write. now,writing a sentence takes me an hour.

heh.
pathetic siot.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
after 9 days of fasting,
alhamdullilah.
i'm still alive.
:)

RANTAI

we actually went to RANTAI. ;D

i bought that T-SHIRT for rm25.

I've been wearing that baju for three days,straight!

haha.

angau tak aku dengan baju tu.

Ramadhan

SELAMAT BERPUASA!

wooohoo. it's already the second day of fasting.
sofarsogoodmeyh. haha

the day before yesterday, this one guy who I don't remember knowing decided to be funny with me but he failed. no suprise there.

he asked me,
"puasa tahun ni penuh tak?"

come on! are you stupid or just plain dumb?

to entertain his stupidity,

I answered,
"mestilah penuh."

and he replied,
"huh? tipulah. takkan penuh kot."

bahlul sungguh lelaki zaman sekarang ni kan.
dah tahu tanya lagi.

tetiba, aku terbau hotdog dalam lab comp.
sapa lah yang kurang ajar sangat ni makan?
respectlah beb.
*^&$%#%^%&*^$^&*